Tomorrow Valencia, where I live, begins phase 2 of the deescalation process from total confinement during the coronavirus pandemic. Steadily my little corner of the world takes another step toward resuming the pace and appearance of life as before the pandemic.
I don’t feel like I’m keeping up. Things may look the same, and economic activity is gradually returning, there is greater freedom to meet up socially, but I am still some paces behind. I was and still am surprised by the global pandemic. I am also fascinated and very worried about other major stuff happening in the world that is passing most of us by: protests in Hong Kong, the uprising in the US, human rights abuses in Colombia, and so much more everywhere. On top of all this, something happened to me during the confinement and nothing will ever be the same for me. I can’t yet put it into words, what I mean by that, but this pandemic cracked something open inside of me and it is looking for a way out to take shape. I think that is what is happening at least and I hope it is a clarity or tools to handle an ever-more complex reality.
The little I have been out socially (to the community garden, a coffee with a friend and a group meeting) I struck by the number of different parallel realities in operation.
Most people I know think the coronavirus is a naturally occurring illness and it eventually became the global health crisis that we are still struggling with. But I also have had conversations with acquaintances, neighbors and friends that have astonished me with their take on the pandemic. I have also heard there’s no pandemic at all, to it being related to the roll out of new G5 networks, to micro-chips and deliberate government plots.
Wow. One, I wasn’t aware of the other realities. For my well-being I take care of how much and what news I consume, and I hadn’t heard about those views. And then wow two: it’s just ordinary people, like those that I know, who hold these alternative beliefs. Although sometimes too I wonder about my grip on local humor. With more reflection I think the person who told me he thought aliens were responsible was joking.
a general re-alignment of roles and who we are and what we believe
I mentioned this topsy-turvy ever-changing realities I am bumping up against to a friend who reflected it back to me more broadly, which was helpful. He said “Oh so what you are experiencing is a general re-alignment of roles and who we are and what we believe after this big global shake-up.”
the toppled puzzle
I was also struck by some people talking about what they (or we) will do in August, November … just because that’s what we’ve always done. And I found myself thinking (and sometimes saying) “Whoa, wait. Will …. even be possible?”
Maybe their auto-pilot was activated or they were simply seeking comfort in routine, but I have the opposite response. I find myself thinking that all the pieces of my life are up in the air.
Actually, all of the pieces of our lives are up in the air. And no one is juggling.
The puzzle was on the table, many of the pieces were in place and along came this virus and flipped the puzzle up in the air and we’re all coming down. Some of us will hit the table, others the floor, some will be face side up, others down. Our landing will leave us more messy and complicated.
What choices are we going to make? Will we choose differently, or will we slide back into the same old routines and as one friend said “be back to our fuck-up-the-planet-at-warp-speed shenanigans in no time?”
happy at home
There were ups and downs, but by and large I enjoyed confinement. I am not sure how I entirely feel about confessing that, there’s a bit of guilt for the privilege that protected and cushioned during this time that for so many was horrific and hard and still is. And a tad more guilt that I am not more socially-inclined, which is my shadow speaking. I too think I should be more connected to the community. So it’s a relevant message. And while no one really likes guilt, if worked with, guilt moves us to action.
I know we are relationships and seeing people is healthy, as well as essential to life, so I am re-joining the world. But I also want to acknowledge and own how happy I was in my little world of wake-up, daily creative practice routine of meditation, writing, drawing (not always in that order), take dog out, breakfast, shower, sit at the desk or be about working on projects. At some point cook and eat, take the dog out a few more times, watch a film, read, connect over skype with friends and family. I enjoyed my routine during confinement, it nourished me and prepared me for these new challenges.
I am pleased with my creative pace, particularly with painting. Here is a sample of some of what I created between March and now.
I was also pleased with my meditation routine. Since the beginning of this year I have had a steady meditation routine. But for the past month I haven’t. On and off, yes, but my daily practice is off, which I also think is simply a reflection of me being shook by this return to so called “normal life”. But never mind. Tomorrow is a great day to pick it up again. It really is.
Pop Corn has had some break throughs and is working on some interesting things. More coming soon.
See? Life at home during the confinement was simple, easy and full of good stuff.
What will happen next? I don’t know. But I am going to keep my eyes, ears and heart open and will report back soon.